Like A Child...

Jesus says in Mark 10:15, "Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all."

Today I started to cry as I was overwhelmed by how much God loves me. I was changing Riley's diaper on her changing table when she just laid still and stared into my eyes. I began to say to her over and over how much I loved her. "I love you Riley...I love you so much. I love you more than you know. Don't you ever forget how much I love you." Then it hit me. What if I looked into God's face like this and let him tell me those very words: "I love you Jessica...I love you so much. I love you more than you know. Don't you ever forget how much I love you." Wow! Tears of joy streamed down my face onto Riley as she smiled the biggest smile I've ever seen. It was a priceless moment with her and with God.

I don't like feeling unprepared, being humiliated, being wrong, feeling exposed, making mistakes, or feeling intimidated. But, I have to remember that this life is not about being perfect or feeling comfortable. It's about knowing the God who is perfect and letting Him comfort us and strengthen us when we're uncomfortable. It's about not being afraid because we know how much He loves us and taking comfort in that fact...taking refuge in Him.

Being one that enjoys perfection and fights the need to be in control of things, it has been challenging having a child. Being a mom for the first time is not something one can be fully prepared for nor ever perfect at. This transition into motherhood has definitely taken my heart and my emotions out of my comfort zone...in a good way. In all my 27 years of life never have I been so amazed by God's beauty and blessings while at the same time being so humbled and forced to let go and trust Him. I cannot fully know Riley nor perfectly keep up with her constant changing. Only God can. She is His. He has simply loaned her to us to bless us and have us become more like His Son through parenting her.

Seeing Riley look into my eyes and find comfort in my arms as her mommy I see as the perfect picture of how we ought to be with God. I imagine God longs for us to go limp in His arms like an infant does because they know how much they are loved.

Like a child....
I want to let God hold me.
Like a child....
I want to trust that He hears my needs.
Like a child...
I want to look into His eyes.
Like a child...
I want to trust in His love.
Like a child...
I want to not be afraid.

I want to know and love God...
Like a child.